Whatever Helps You Sleep At Night...

Tonight I decided to make a culinary masterpiece for dinner...shell noodles with jarred spaghetti sauce. I was having trouble opening the jar with my weak woman hands. So I called for Kent and held up the jar and smiled. He swaggered on over and said,

"I'm a manly man. I do manly things."

*pop*

"Ahhh."

Yes you do honey. Yes you do.

Never Wake A Sleep Talker

The other day, Kent was so tired that he fell asleep on me while we were cuddling on the couch. I hadn't eaten much that day and my body was starting to cry out. My stomach let out this giant gurgle that actually woke up my sleeping husband.

Kent: What was that???
Me: It was just my stomach. Go back to sleep.
Kent: It sounded like a metal trash can!

I think he may have meant garbage disposal?

Sometimes The Truth Hurts

For those of you who don't know, I'm pregnant. My pretty much favorite pastime these days is eating, eating, and more eating. My sweet husband the other day cuddled up to me and started rubbing my belly.

Kent: I love you.
Me: I love cheese.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Today's post is starring *drumroll please* my adorable son, Spencer! Yes Kent, you get a break today!

So earlier I was feeding Spencer lunch. After he got done eating, he looked up at me and said, "More?" We'll ok. You can have more. But it's going to be something healthy! He led me to the cupboards so I put him up on the counter. He's got healthy snacks in the cupboard, after all. He stood up on the counter, opened the cupboard door, and pointed to a box of Girl Scout cookies. "No buddy. You don't need any cookies." He stared at me with his huge blue eyes a la Puss in Boots. Oh ok...cookies! Cookies for everyone!

I sat him down in his high chair and put one cookie on his tray at a time. About four cookies in (don't judge me!), I told him, "Ok buddy, this is the last one." I figured he would savor it, maybe make it last...instead he took one bite and threw the rest of the cookie on the floor. Throwing food on the floor has been a terrible habit of his for the last few weeks. He doesn't seem to understand that the kitty does NOT need to eat half of his lunch...anywho. He threw the cookie on the floor, so as I went to pick it up I told him "That was the last one and you threw it on the floor! No more! You might as well say 'bye bye' to that cookie because it is yuck!" I walked over to the trash can and threw the cookie away expecting to hear him screaming for his cookie. Instead when I turned around I looked at him and he was staring at the trash can waving. He looked up at me and said, "Bye bye!"

Oh, you are your father's son aren't you?

Wardrobe Malfunction

Kent has this obsession with changing his socks. Seriously, he changes them like five times a day. The other night we had a special church service and when we came home and relaxed I looked down and saw white crew socks peeking out from under my husband's black dress slacks.

Me: You did not seriously go to church wearing those socks.
Kent: No, I changed into these when we got in.
Me: Good. The only person ever allowed to do that was Michael Jackson.
Kent: (Ominously) Yeah, and look what happened to him.

Your legacy lives on MJ. Your legacy lives on.

Things Aren't Always As They Seem

***DISCLAIMER: Despite how some of these posts may sound my husband is a very nice, smart man. It has come to my attention that my extremely unbiased rantings may make him sound jerk-ish, jerk-like, or otherwise jerk-a-licious. We are quite happy together and pretty hilarious if I do say so myself.***

There. Now maybe he'll stop whining.

Now. On to the point of this post! Kent and I were at a gas station and up until this point I was driving. Kent sometimes makes me extremely nervous when I'm behind the wheel because he has a tendency to complain about my driving. Whether or not his complaints are justified will remain unsaid. Anyway, as we were stopped at this gas station we start to argue about my driving and whether to prepay or pay at the pump and what to get to drink at the gas station...it wasn't our finest moment. I go inside, come back out and realize this whole time there was a woman at the pump next to us who was trying really hard not to make eye contact with me. I realized she had witnessed our entire stupid argument.

Me: Oh great. Now this poor woman thinks we are the most unhappy couple on the planet. (Yelling out the window to the woman) We're really very happily married, I promise!
Kent: (To me) Oh, shut up!

I'm sure the fact that that last statement was followed by laughter really confused that poor woman. I should have bought her a coke...

The Last Supper

Our church is doing a traditional Easter play. Kent and I both volunteered to be a part of it. We were rehearsing the scene in which all of the disciples are sitting around Jesus and he tells them that one of them will betray them. After everyone asked if they were the ones who betray him, here's what happened:

Judas: Is it I, Lord?
Jesus: You have said it.
Kent: (In one voice) Dang it, I lost that bet! (In a higher voice) You owe me sixpence!

I'm pretty sure this is the one instance where ad-libbing is NOT ok.